another world is possible. and i know this because i'm a friend.
my thoughts on friendship have become clearer in the last few years, since the pandemic started. that is because of the influence of so many. (to name a few: emergent strategy, all about love, deeper partnership with my friend and line sister zakia, bry reed (as a friend and writer), mindfulness meditation, and deep, loving conversations with so many of my friends. )
i've only been able to articulate this recently. but these principles about friendship have always guided my life in some way. internalized misogyny is something that gets us all, but there are some traps i was never caught in. i used to be so confused when i consistently heard girls say "i'm friends with boys because girls are too much drama" or something about how hard it was to have "real" friendships with girls. all of my friendships were with other girls. and they were great! i'm not saying middle school drama never befell us, but we survived. and we thrived.
me and some of my closest friends on a trip celebrating 25th birthdays
my friends have always been the ones who held me. they've always been the ones i've shared secrets with. they've always been the ones who provided me support.
another world is possible and i know this because i'm a friend.
i'm only 25 with (God willing) a lot of life left to live. i know it's early, and i know that as life progresses, there will be lots of things pushing me and my friends apart. marriage, babies, a society that tells you that's all you need, career changes, job shifts, distance... and i'm not so naive as to say every friendship i have will ALWAYS be this way, that we will all be this close forever. but i do believe that whether old friends or new, i will always have friendships like this. because i am intentional. i am an intentional friend. i know that society wants me to only care about being partnered with a man, that society will tell me that's where all the love goes. but i know that's not true. i know love is abundant, and that i can apply the same thoughtful care to all of my relationships. so i will. forever. because i gain so much.
another world is possible and i know this because i'm a friend.
in my mind, that's the best example of the world we can build. there are many things pointing towards human's need for community. years of evidence from indigenous folks. the fact that a baby literally cannot survive alone. but even if we ignore all of that...
friendship! that's how we know that we can live differently than we do now!
we choose people. we choose to be in community with them. we choose to support them and do life alongside them. not because we share the same blood. not because we were born in the same home. not because entering into a relationship grants us access to a lot of privileges that staying without them would not. but because of what we see in each other.
this white supremacist capitalist patriarchy is doing everything it can to keep us from connecting. prisons and police. apartment buildings with no common space. abandonment. anti homeless architecture. amazon. car dependent infrastructure. the nuclear family. i could go on. they are working overtime to keep us from apart.
and yet and still. here we are, choosing each other.
kayaking with two of my favorite people
i ask my friends how they want to be loved. i seek to build my life in a way where communing with each other is easy. i cook for and with my friends. i help them with their plans. i help them find resources. i share what i have with them. i get to know their family. and they all do the same for me.
lately it seems like every group chat i'm in is overflowing with effusive praise about how much we love each other, how grateful we are for each other, how much comfort we find in each other.
what a gift to feel that way. what a gift to want to share it. what a gift to be connected.
i wasn't born with sisters. but now i have many.
another world is possible and i know it because of friendship.
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