They set Bill Cosby free today. I went to the pool.
First, when it happened, I felt the pinch in my gut. There was a feeling of anger, fleeting disbelief before saying “girl you’re not surprised,” a reminder to self that prisons aren’t helping anybody anyway, that all happened. But the real foreboding was about the discourse that I knew was coming. I knew people would be cheering for his release. I knew people would be saying this was proof that he was innocent all along. I knew people would clapback at that. I knew they’d be explaining the depths of Cosby’s violence and abuse. I knew there’d be statistics about Black women and assault floating all around the TL. I knew it would be all I’d see and it would be so so so much and it would be triggering and no amount of “mutes” in the world can stop it and I didn’t have it in me today.
So I opted out.
What could I say that hadn’t been said already? What could I say that I haven’t already said? I’m not sure that anyone is listening to our angry tweets. At least not the people who are perpetuating the most harm. And also, what’s the difference between what people said today and the versuz they supported on Saturday? What’s the difference between what people said today and the way they went up for that mixtape back in May? It’s abusers and abuse enablers everywhere, we’re swimming in it, it’s the whole music industry. And sometimes I think our angry tweets are doing nothing but reminding each other that someone cares. Which is important. Which is more than we even need to do. But I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. I couldn’t today.
So I opted out.
I went to the pool. I floated on my back and roasted in the sun. I worked on my “Bad Bitches Only 2” playlist, the epic sequel to the one I made two months ago. I read The Cook Up by D Watkins. I stared at the sky and followed a plane with my eyes and wondered if they were looking down at me like I was looking up at them. I daydreamed and meditated and debated on if I would cook dinner. And I didn’t think of Bill Cosby or Phylicia Rashad or Soulja Boy or Nicki Minaj or Nate Parker or Tory Lanez or Russell Simmons or Kodak Black or R Kelly or Nas or or or or or
It was nice to choose to abstain. It was nice to know there are plenty of people educating and agitating and organizing and working and freeing when I’m at the pool. I hope they abstain some times too. Because I know they need it.
They set Bill Cosby free today. So I went to the pool.
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